|
profile
I have a dream. Just like any other human being. Living life to the fullest.
comments
affiliates
Arinda'sDee's Defitha's Deni's Dhika's Firah's Kamielah's Nashe's Raniqyu's Ririn's archives
09.2007
12.2007
01.2008
02.2008
03.2008
04.2008
06.2008
07.2008
08.2008
09.2008
10.2008
11.2008
12.2008
01.2009
02.2009
03.2009
04.2009
05.2009
07.2009
08.2009
09.2009
10.2009
11.2009
12.2009
|
12.14.2009 @ 10:11 AM
WE'RE A PERFECT COUPLE, WE'RE JUST NOT IN A PERFECT SITUATION  I already knew from the very beginning, that going through a long distance relationship would need a persisting bond, and just enough money to buy phone credits and plane tickets. Apparently, a persisting bond is harder to maintain than affording plane tickets to his place. It's not that I don't love him anymore. I truly love him, in every way, really. (Yes, you can predict a "but" coming..) But.. (Ha!) It's so hurting me. I wanna spend every second holding his hands (you might wonder, why do I keep talking about his hands?), feel his every steady breath. I don't know how he could keep himself stable all the time, and I'm his paranoid girlfriend, who obviously has abnormal issues in her life, indicating that she might suffer autism. But he just held on to me, never was bothered by any of my bizarre attitudes. And for me, I don't wanna let go of him, no matter how my heart breaks whenever I feel like I couldn't be the best for the one who mattered me the most. I might never gonna leave him, I don't ever want to, especially when it's only about the distance. 12.10.2009 @ 12:58 PM
I'M STILL BREATHING, BUT I'M DEAD BORED 1. School competition is over. I didn't win, and I never cared about winning. I just needed to have fun. Take a break from my boring life. Refresh. Make new friends whom I still in contact with right now. 2. After exactly 5 months of longing the face of the apple of my eye (this is quite a long sentence, not to mention so full of 'ofs'), our hands have finally intertwined again. It was such a wonderful sensation, makes me feel so.. I don't know. I can't even describe it. Happy? Yes. Sad? Yes. Why? Because I was perfectly aware that this moment had to end sooner or later. I wanted it to last more. And I had to look at our hands over and over again just to make sure that this wasn't a dream. And if it was, I wouldn't wanna wake up. I never closed my eyes, I didn't wanna miss a thing. I wanted to stop the time. And as far as how boring and commonly outdated that sounds, I can't help but saying it from the bottom of my blind heart. 3. I'm so bored in Cairo. Life here is dull. 4. I spent four days in Singapore before I went home, and I already felt like I'm home. I loved the hippo bus, and the Bugis Jaunction, and nasi ayam, and the east coast, and how it pours every five minutes, and how it smells after it pours, and the Changi Airport, and the Flyer, and ice Milo, and the colorful apartments, and the Merlion, and and and.. and billion other things that would spend two days if I had to type it all. And guess what? I've learned to ride a two-wheeled bicycle. I know that's stupid, but why should you care? As long as I'm happy. 5. I still love my boyfriend. And I want him here. 6. I have a new band. And I'm thrown to the position of being a vocalist, again. 7. I'm so tired of living in Cairo. And I just can't seem to stop complaining. But what would my complains do? Nothing, exactly. 11.03.2009 @ 2:13 PM
HATE TO LOVE I hate all the bullshits you talk. I hate the sweet words you effortlessly say, without seeming to mean it. I hate the way you support me, which puts any effect equal to zero. Or O point one. I hate how you're clueless when it comes to handle me when I'm crying. I hate how when I'm feeling blue, you couldn't color me green or yellow. I hate it when I ask about your opinion, and you just reply, "it's up to you," or "whatever you like." I hate the way you're always being a listener, never a talker. I hate how you never seem to care about anything in my life, except what I'm currently doing. I hate when you said you're gonna call. I hate that you never called. I hate how you constantly make me feel confused. And forcing me to have second thoughts. I hate how you never make surprises. I hate the way you have irrational fears. I hate how you never pick me up, or take me home. I hate how you fail to make me feel special. I hate that you're not here. I hate how I hate so much things about you and still can't make me leave you. I'm a pathetic girl. 10.21.2009 @ 5:09 PM
CONSCIOUS Recently, I watch myself. I was planning to do a self-introspection. But since I'm so ignorant and careless, that plan is now canceled "involuntarily". I realize, that not being on time, would make me regret things. That in the end, most of us would turn out saying "it's too late." No, don't expect me to arrive on time at school just because I mentioned this. Hah, that is a waaay farrrr different thing from what I was saying. I don't know how, and why, exactly.. where.. has my confidence gone? I used to be good at this. But now I'm feeling like I'm sinking in a shallow pool. I'm tired of hearing people say, "just enjoy it," or "you're good at this, you'll win." I know how everyone's just being supportive, and yes, that means a bundle thank you from me. But no, that's not the problem. Oh I don't know, that maybe is the problem. Why it hasn't put on any effect on me..all those words from not just any people, but the people I love. How life could be so frustrating. 10.09.2009 @ 4:59 PM
STAYING UP LATE, WHEN I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO How dare I leave my blog unposted for.. how long has it been? Okay nevermind. Nobody reads it anyway. HAHA. That sounds pathetic. Tsch. UPDATE NUMBER 1: I now, officially, have a lil sister. Born on 3rd October 09 at the Cleopatra Hospital. Official name: Amira. Official name personally from her big sis: Amira Viranti. I dunno, 'Amira Viranti' is more complete. Though I dont really know what Viranti means but.. damn is anything that's beautiful has to be reasoned? Amira cries a lot rly, but once we shove the milk bottle into her mouth, she completely stops wailing and her pink cheeks are like chewing a gum. She's so incredibly cute. And when she poops, she has this weird n funny expression on her face saying 'Hey, don't interrupt, I'm concentrating on pooping.' UPDATE NUMBER 2: I've achieved my purpose. Remember about the selection? I passed it quite well. But y'kno whuts surprising? I got the highest score at singing. Truly, this is so unexpected to me. Because at the audition, my throat was rly hoarse and I don't think I produced enough vibrations and so I was a bit tuneless. And moreover, there were couple of my friends whom I think, sang really better than me. But regardless, I freaking passed the selection!!!! *YEAAH!!!!* So my energy and fats weren't sacrificed for nothing. And so, my schedule is filled with: singing practice, singing practice, singing practice, sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep. God, I'm sleep-deprived. UPDATE NUMBER 3: We moved to a new apartment, closer to my school. So the moving session took forever with all our abundant and bulky stuff. And the new apartment is somehow tiny. We actually had to flip the sofa vertically to fit the rest of the things, including the telly. But it's quite nice to move into this area, except that now I dont have any excuse to be late at school. But nonetheless, I just still can't be on time. I think it's the genes. And I think eversince I've moved to this neighborhood, where I'm only barely 10 kilometers away from my friends' houses, we get together more often, go out more often, eat outdoors more often, sit at cafes more often and more importantly, SPEND MONEY MORE OFTEN. And to wrap it up, my wallet looks like a human who is urgently lack of blood. UPDATE NUMBER 4: I know how long distance is truly unbearable to most of us. But if I think about it, I just can't let go of my bf. Because I sort of doubt that I could never find anyone as unique as he is. He's like the Chinese panda, one of the endangered species, standing at the line of extinction. He's so rare. He NEVER gets mad, I don't know if his heart is made of the same component of most of our hearts. And in conclusion, we hardly ever have a row. And just every night I think of him and the five days we've spent together before he had left to Indo, and when I wake up I find myself dialing his number involuntarily. God, I'm so obsessed. I haven't seen him for 3 months and half, for fuck's sake!!! I just can't wait till November. 9.11.2009 @ 7:30 PM
TARGET Okay, good news. I got my phone back. HAHA. Yeah, I'm serious. It turned out that it was my aunt who kept it in her purse, and she forgot that it was with her all along. *speechless* Surprisingly, I'm just relieved to find my old phone back rather than buying a new one. This week, is the turning point of my life. If it's meant to be. You see, every year the International Indonesian Schools all over the world build a competition called SILN (Sekolah Indonesia Luar Negeri). My school is invited, so next week they're gonna do a selection of that competition. The competition will be held in Makassar, Indonesia. And coincidentally, that's my hometown. OK, no. My parents' hometown. Regardless, I like it there more than in Jakarta. Because it's less polluted, less crowded and more environmental. Ha! That statement is just so go-greenish. Anyway, back to the topic. There are five challenges. Storytelling, singing, dancing, the science of physics and economics. I'm focusing on storytelling, but truthfully, I don't think I'm any good at either telling a story or choosing a story. But I'm gonna give it a shot. Or maybe singing. Even though right now my throat is suffering from the cold and it feels so dry. So I might not produce vibrations, and that's the important element. I'm ill, by the way. Or maybe dancing? I mean, last month I performed an Indonesian Traditional dance at a diplomatic reception. It was an internationally important reception, y'know. So I might try that too. If my body condition is fit by the day of the selection. Amen. Physics and economics are a pair of my invincible enemies. This one's blacklisted. The main thing is that I just really really need to pass the selection! And there're only 6 students who will be chosen to compete abroad. I NEED to go to Indonesia. UGH. God, this is so stressful. But my girlfriends and my boyfriend have complete faith in me that I can do this, that I'm gonna pass. And I'm just so scared of disappointing them if I don't make it. 8.30.2009 @ 10:33 AM
TRAGEDY I lost my goddamn cellphone. The cellphone which I've kept and used for five bloody years. I don't give a shit about the photos in the gallery, or the love messages which mostly fill my inbox, but the CALENDAR! OMG. My calendar of which is full of the memos and anniversaries. Of when was the day I talked out of my boyfriend to make him say that he loves me (okay, I know that was on 20th June 2009), or the first day of my life when I joined the flag hoisting team (that was on 17th August 2009), or the I'm gonna miss my Nokia 3230. Rest in peace, my dead phone. (the battery was already dead anyway before I've lost it). Went out of town to Alexandria with family, nothin to do there, just the smell of the Mediterranean and the view of the traffic upon the hotel balcony. But I gotta say that the public transportation in Alexandria is way better than in Cairo itself. I forgot to wish you guys a happy Ramadhan. My last Ramadhan was when I moved into this apartment. It seemed like so long ago. Lots of things have changed. *reminiscing* Okay back to earth, I'm on my period *shit* so I'm allowed to curse. 8.17.2009 @ 12:19 PM
TINY ACHIEVEMENTS I was handed over four tasks. #1 ACOUSTIC BAND PERFORMANCE, Greetings For New Indonesian Embassy Staff 14th Aug It was so sudden when Aula texted me saying 'Kar, ure gonna sing an acoustic song in our band on 14th, ok?' 14th was just a couple of days to go. And to tell you the truth, I've never ever performed singing in front of numerous number of audience before. Especially in front of Indonesian Embassy staffs and not to mention the Indonesian ambassador in the flesh! But well, in reality, I didn't really feel paranoid when I was 'assigned' to reveal the sound of my voice. In fact, I felt excitement, courage and just a teeny tiny doubt concerning my voice. How could they put a female hawk into this position? *self-reference* We practiced every time we had a chance. It was only one song, which only took not more than 3 minutes. It was considered a phenomenon that we even had the opportunity to have a band practice when each of us were so burdened by other projects. But all in all, we performed with pride and certainty. My voice, according to my closest friends, sounded good *I don't know if it was a fact, or if my pals were just trying to make me feel good*, I wasn't really worried about how my voice did sound, I just hoped that I didn't sing in a false note. And it looked like I didn't, I assume. Zacky was part of the band too, by the way. Not bad for my first performance, especially the part when the ambassador complemented on my voice when we shook hands. Aaw. It was all for you, Mr. Ambassador, pleasure to do. #2 FLAG HOISTING TEAM, Indonesia's 64th Anniversary Ceremony 17th Aug Flag hoisting team (or tim paskibra in Indonesian) is an extremely significant part of the 17th August 1945 Indonesian Annual Independence Day ceremony. Their duty is none other than to hoist and protect the red and white flag. It sort of resembles the movements of the marine soldiers, with all the strictness, discipline and formality. As I've mentioned in my previous post. But this national duty has ended with pride and success. I even cried out of happiness when it was all over. It was an incredibly memorable experience. I certainly gonna miss the hard practices we've gone through, the free food we've eaten, the uniform we've worn, the instructor (who was my civics teacher at ISC), the solidarity, the sweat, the unbelievably bogus way we sang the national anthem, and most of all, the overwhelming feeling of nationalism and patriotism which rarely passed by me. 7.24.2009 @ 1:34 PM
SCHEDULE For some reason, I haven't been down. Probably because I'm obliged to participate in the flag hoisting team for Indonesian's Independence Day ceremony on 17th August. And the training schedule has been so severe and intensive, like three times a week of marine soldiers exercises. My body incessantly felt cramped like an old lady. But just look at the bright side, at least I'm busy doing something. Morever, it's not just anything, it's part of being loyal to my country. Part of nasionalisme. It's just like sacrificing blood to your nation. But I'm sacrifing fats. And when schooldays have begun, my schedule (omg, I hate this word) got more tighter and stretched. Exhausting every cell of tissues of organs of systems of my tiny fragile body, working some fat off of my body, if only I have any. But, I have purposes. And it's quite a long story. And I'm a bad storyteller, (but trust me, I'm gonna excel storytelling in about a couple of months, it's sorta part of my 'purposes') plus, I was planning to post about it another time, but I just frequently wonder, when is "another time"? Argh. I'm sleep-deprived. And I'm feeling drowsy. I miss the touch of your hand in mine. Your love warms me like the morning sunshine. I miss ur breath on my ear as we embrace. I miss the softness of ur cheek when I touch ur face. 7.16.2009 @ 3:11 PM
When a thing has been said and said well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it. - Anatole France "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." - Sam Keen "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln "All love is sweet, given or returned." - Percy Bysshe Shelley "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Soren Kierkegaard "You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her. " - Anonymous "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." - Winston Churchill "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." - M.K. Gandhi "If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older." - Abraham Sutzkever |